Superficial Intelligence - 15Why do I FEEL this way? I'm TIRED with life. I just want to GO. But the real question is: WHERE am I going? Things are just not going my way. I have an UNEXPRESSED DESIRE for her. No, NOT Jennifer. She's different, better, special. Jen has brought me nothing but PAIN. But SHE. I don't know what she's brought me. Happy memories? I'm always happy with her but yet I feel awkward around her. I want to breath the same air she does and I also want to get as far away from her as possible. Can someone LOVE someone so much that they HATE them? I have nowhere to go. Nobody listens. I need to LEAVE Chamberlain. I can't be here anymore. It HURTS me. I haSuperficial Intelligence - 15
Superficial Intelligence - 14I have walked in the valley of shadow and death. Did I say that right? What I mean to say is that I have been born, dead, reborn, and finally, dead again. Because that's how I FEEL. Dead INSIDE. Like anything I do, anything I say, are just WORDS, floating in the AIR, until an ear CATCHES them. But what if the words enter the ear and flow right out of the other. Then no one LISTENS. And if no one listens, who is to say that I am even ALIVE? If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to hear it, does it still make a SOUND? If a person being talks about life and death and no one CARES to hear it, is the person truly alive? This questionSuperficial Intelligence - 14
Superficial Intelligence - 13Such a GOOD DAY! What started off as a CRAPPY START turned out to be one of the best days of the YEAR. She's GORGEOUS. Jen is BEYOND beautiful, but this girl is SOMETHING ELSE! Does it make me a man-whore? To be interested in two women. Two BEAUTIFUL women. Jen put me down. Jealousy? Maybe. Maybe not. But this girl just did it for me. She made my day. So soft, so LOVELY. I tear. I'm so HAPPY. Such a crummy day. Such a good ending. Jealousy. The only word I can describe it with. She was jealous. SHE. Of all people...Superficial Intelligence - 13
Superficial Intelligence - 12I hate MIXED SIGNALS. One day she's all OVER me. The next Jen tells me I'm like a BROTHER to her. A brother. A BROTHER! I'm not a supporter of INCEST. I can't work with being a brother. I need MORE. Her LOVER, her FRIEND. Friend's at least can do things BEYOND friendship. Lovers can obviously do MUCH MORE. But brother? You can't do anything beyond SOUTHERN STEREOTYPES. And there she goes walking. With Josh. Flirting. And flirting. And looking at ME and SMILING as she flirts! God, I hate mixed signals...Superficial Intelligence - 12
Devious Journal Entry
Joy
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